


And now I miss everything about you

by Holdmeclosedarling



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, dumb stupid boys with stupid feelings, uni!AU, weird use of medical terminology and love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 05:59:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1215292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holdmeclosedarling/pseuds/Holdmeclosedarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10 months after they break up, Zayn and Louis meet again at Tescos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And now I miss everything about you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gravitycentered](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravitycentered/gifts).



> To the lovely Alora, whose bday it was last week!!! this was meant to be a surprise but then i like ruined it TYPICAL. anyway i hope you like it sunshine!! 
> 
> special thanks to Liv, who held my hand and told me it was okay and said she would murder me if there wasn't anything but a happy ending :* thanks baby <3

He’s in the middle of deciding which ice cream flavor he wants (it’s a tie between cookie dough and chocolate mint), head partially inside the freezer, when he hears it, the laughter, sweet and low and sending him fumbling with the carton.

It’s faint, probably from the next aisle over, but it still makes Zayn tremble, his heartbeat fast and erratic, because he knows that laugh. 

He’s heard it in the dips of his spine late at night, tasted it on his mouth, light and sweet and aching. 

He lived with that laugh for three years, heard in every crevice of his goddamn heart, and it’s startling how much it hurts still. 

_Move, Malik, come on now,_ his mind hisses, _get the fuck out of here, run._

The voice is closer now, raspy and rich, and Zayn shivers, tries to remember how to breathe, how to start moving again.

He’s turning, ready to run away as fast as he can, away from the images of bright eyes and stupid soft smiles, when he sees him, directly in his line of vision, and-

And Zayn can’t move. 

Because Louis is right there, in front of him, basket in his hand, and phone in the other, and he looks beautiful. 

He’s sleep rumpled and gorgeous, with day old stubble and hair in desperate need of a haircut , and Zayn is still so in love with him, he feels like he’s suffocating with it 

(he should be over this, it’s been 10 months, he should fucking be over it).

Louis grins at something the person he’s talking to says, looking to the side, and Zayn stumbles, trying to duck behind the tin of biscuits, but it’s too late.

Louis looks right at him, smile slowly dropping off his face, wide eyed, like he can’t believe Zayn is in the same fucking tescos as him. 

(and Zayn can’t believe it either. After months of avoidance, it feels like he’s meeting Louis all over all again and it’s- it’s something). 

“Sorry mum, gotta go.” He says, still looking at Zayn, 

“Tell the girls I love them too, yeah alright, love you.” He says quickly, before he’s hanging up, and then they’re just staring at each other, three feet of tile floor in between them, and Zayn thinks, _this is a start_ and _kiss me_ and _I still love you please remember._  
Louis smiles shyly, scuffing his toe onto the floor, before moving closer to where Zayn is.

“Hi,” He says, looking up, and Zayn wants to scream, wants to punch Louis in his stupid earnest dumb face. 

“Hi,” he says back breathily, trying to control his hands from where they’re shaking from inside his jumper. 

“How have you, uhh, been?” Louis doesn’t look at Zayn as he asks it, preferring to look somewhere over his shoulder, and Zayn wonders they became this, two strangers in a grocery store.

“I’ve been good, yeah? I thought you were still in America?” 

Zayn doesn’t mention how he gets his weekly updates about Louis from Harry, how he still goes to lunch with louis’ best friend, thrives on the fact this is as close to lou he can get now. 

It’s pathetic. 

“Yeah, I just got back a week ago, actually. Been in Doncaster visiting mum and the girls.” He shrugs, picking at his skin of his thumb, and Zayn almost reaches out to steady him, but-

He curls his hand back into a fist. It’s not his place anymore. 

“Yorkshire tea, “ Louis says suddenly, pointing to the box in Zayn’s basket, “good choice.” 

He’s smiling small, but real now. 

Zayn doesn’t know what to say other than _yeah, I’ve been drinking it every day since you left I hate it but I cant stop 2 creams one sugar please come back to me,_ so he doesn’t say anything at all, just nods jerkily.

It’s weird, how someone can just fucking destroy you, and Zayn really thought he was getting better, after months of crying and hurting and feeling all the skin cells on his body itching for a boy who left him, but his heart is still bleeding and Louis is still looking beautiful.

He had just wanted milk. 

Louis is looking at him strangely, and Zayn realizes belatedly that he had said something. 

“Sorry, what?” he asks, and Louis bites his lip.

“I said, do you wanna maybe hang out sometime? I miss you” it’s quiet but Zayn hears it loud and clear, the words ringing around in his ear imssyouimissyouimissyou. 

“You know what, forget it, it was a stupi-“, Louis starts to say, but Zayn cuts him off. 

“ I’m free tomorrow night. You can, if you want, you can come over.”

Louis lights up immediately at that. “yeah?” He asks, “That would be okay?” at Zayn’s nod, he comes serious again. “I’m not imposing am I? it’s fine if you’re busy.”

He looks small of a sudden, in his striped jumper and maroon beanie, and it takes everything for Zayn not to fist his hand around Louis’ sweater and yank him closer until they’re breathing the same air. 

Zayn says it’s fine, even though it is anything but, and Louis sends him a soft smile in return.

“Okay, same place right?” He winces visibly as soon as he says it, like he didn’t mean to ask that. 

Zayn keeps his voice steady, because he doesn’t want to remember how it used to be their place, how it used to be home for both of them. 

“Yeah,” he says, voice only slightly shaking, “same place.”

It’s only when Louis leaves, with a sweet smile and a glance back, it’s only then, that Zayn leans back against the glass door and lets the tears fall.

+

Zayn wakes up to 2 text messages from boyfriend :D and he bolts out of bed, surprised. 

Jesus, he hasn’t seen that name in months.

He opens it cautiously, his heart still wildly beating in his chest. 

From: **Boyfriend :D**

_Hey are we still on for tn??? Is 8 okay??_

Then 

From: **Boyfriend :D**

_This is Louis btw_

Zayn can feel laughter bubbling up hysterically from the pit of his stomach, because how could Louis think he didn’t know who he was?

Even if Zayn had deleted his number, he’d always know. 

He texts back, _yeah aha :) see you soon!_ and Louis responds with 3 kissy face emojis and ten million exclamation points.

Zayn tries not to think about what that means, because it’s just going to end in heartbreak again.

He’s sure of it. 

+

Louis arrives at 8 on the dot, wearing one of Zayn’s old jumpers and a pair of skinny black jeans, brandishing the bottle of wine from underneath his coat.

Zayn can’t stop staring. 

“Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?” Louis asks cheekily, but Zayn can hear the underlying nervousness behind it, and right. Okay. Zayn can totally do this.

“yeah, sorry come in.” He moves aside to let Louis through the door, watching as Louis takes in his surroundings, running his fingers over kitchen countertop ( _Zayn remembers Louis bent over, taking his cock so well, gripping the edges of the granite, and he has to close his eyes, look away_ ) and looking at the stacks of books Zayn still needs to finish for his modern literature class. 

He stops when his eyes land on the photo frame of them on the mantle, rosy cheeked and looking freshly kissed, and _fuckfuckfuckfuck_ , Zayn meant to hide that. 

He moves towards it, but Louis is faster, and he picks it up, running his fingers softly over the frame. 

“You still have it.” He says like he can’t believe it, like he doesn’t think that all Zayn has thought about since they broke up is how Louis smelled in the morning and lazy morning sex and the weight of a ring sitting heavy in a drawer he hasn’t looked at in months. 

And like, Zayn is so fucking sick of hiding it.

“Go ahead, “ He says tiredly, “go ahead, Louis. Call me creepy and weird and stupid. I just-,” He presses the heel of his hand to his eyes, not surprised they come back a little wet, “i keep some of ur jumpers and I wear them sometimes and I still have you saved as boyfriend on my phone and I have to find out about how you’re doing from Harry because I don’t even know how to be myself around you anymore.”

He angrily wipes the tears from his eyes. Louis still hasn’t said anything. 

Zayn shakes his head , turning to leave, go somewhere that isn’t here, in a flat that hasn’t felt like home in months. 

“ I love you.” Louis’ voice is soft, but it echoes through the room, and Zayn freezes, his back still turned to Louis. 

“I love you, and that’s why I had to leave.” Zayn bristles at that, turns around. 

“You love me so you had to leave?! What, you scared of love, Louis?” Zayn’s eyes are blazing, and he’s so fucking angry. 

“No,” He shakes his head vehemently, “ I-I needed to breathe, Zayn.” His voice is wavering. “I needed to leave because I needed to know if I could breathe without you, if I could stand in one place, and your name wouldn’t be my every fucking exhale. “

Zayn’s throat is dry, and he feels like he's underwater. 

“And?”, He whispers, almost afraid of the answer. 

“I can,” Louis whispers back, and Zayn’s heart deflates, “I can breathe without you, I just don’t want to.” 

“Lou-“ Zayn starts to say, but Louis cuts him off.

“When I was in America, we worked with these cadavers at the Brown lab, and I remember one day, I was looking at a heart, you know, just a normal human heart, and thinking, this used to beat for someone. “ He laughs. “Here I was, examining the triscupid valve and all I could think about was you and how you looked in the morning, and your stupid hair and your dumb tattoos and how you made me feel like I could do anything. Weird, isn’t it?”

He closes his eyes, and then opens them again.

“Zap,” He says suddenly, “I missed you.”

He takes a step closer. 

“Zap, All I thought about everyday was you.”

Another step.

“Zap, please forgive me.”

He’s reached Zayn now, close enough to lean their foreheads together.

“Zap,” He says determinedly and Zayn swallows, “ I love you.”

Zayn leans in the last step and kisses him.

It feels like breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr


End file.
